The Way We Dress Affects How People Treat Us

Fashion

Dressing well is a form of self care. I talked to a friend of mine, and we had a really interesting conversation about how we present ourselves, how people treat us when we dress well and she told me how she believes that dressing well is a form of self care. The words really stuck with me, because they ring so much truth. She was telling me about her experience, in which when she entered a clothing store, she was wearing jeans and a top. During that day, the retail assistant didn’t acknowledge her. The next day, she was wearing a stylish outfit that was very much in her style, and the retail assistant paid attention and approached her to ask if she needed help.

I know this can sound terribly shallow, because shouldn’t someone regardless of the way they look be treated the same? Absolutely, I think we should always treat others fairly. However, it’s also common that we will assume what someone might be like, based on what they wear. As this is most often the first impression. There is a psychology behind the way we dress from the colours we wear. As I watched the video here, it does have a point. I do believe that to an extent, the way we dress and present ourselves will affect how others treat us. Clothes are a form of self expression that speaks for itself.

As I previously mentioned, I do feel that we shouldn’t judge someone for the way they dress. However, I also do feel that the way you dress is also an expression for how you feel about yourself. This means, if a person wears jandals, sweats and a jersey all the time, they might not be taken quite as seriously as a person wearing a tailored dress and flats. When we are presented as clean and tidy, we are more likely to be treated with respect, because it shows self care to oneself. Although, when I watched The Pursuit of happyness a few years ago, there is a scene here that shows that ones true character, attitude and ability is through who they are, not their clothes.

It’s good to look at both sides to gain perspective, because on one hand what we wear is important in presenting ourselves. On the other hand, we should be judged by our character and abilities, and not the way we look. We have power in choosing how to present ourselves to the world, through this silent language of fashion. The Huffington Post article says “Your style and the clothes you choose reflect and affect your mood, health, and overall confidence.” I think fashion can be empowering, when we fully embrace our personal style. It creates a natural confidence in knowing who we are.

This is why I don’t tend to wear bright colours or patterned and printed clothing, as most of them don’t tend to reflect my personality or how I feel about myself. I feel most myself when I wear black, navy, grey, brown, dark colours or denim. Black clothing takes up 90% of my wardrobe, because I feel that I suit it the most. It makes me feel clean cut, stylish and effortless. The colour psychology in what we wear can really make a difference in how we feel about ourselves, and how others will feel. I find wearing dark colours makes me feel organised, chic and well groomed.

I remember talking to a coworker, and he said he literally judges books by its cover, and I said to be honest, so do I. I may be more attracted to covers that have an artwork that I like, the colours that they use or a photograph that really speaks to me. We were talking about book covers, but it made me think about how what we wear is similar to the way we look at book covers. We may judge in that split second, what the content may be, in terms of what someone might be like. First impressions are important when it comes to how we dress, and after that it’s really getting to know someone for who they are.

Think of when you went on your first date, your first interview and your first dance. You probably made effort in grooming yourself a certain way, to present yourself for the occasion. In the video above, it talks about how dressing well is not only a sign of respect for yourself, but also for those around you. I do agree, and I also truly believe that dressing well can affect our emotional well being. I remember when I was freelancing, I would still get dressed in the morning as if I was going to an office. It made my mindset more focused on working, rather than staying in my pajamas.

Art by Renée Gouin

Surround Your Life With Positive People

Daily Thoughts

076bd6af65cff195bb7e8e38ce9dfa0aIn our day to day lives, it may not always be possible to interact with only positive people and even if we are a positive person ourselves, everyone has days where they feel under the weather. However, if we want to surround ourselves with positive friends, then we need to strive to be someone who is positive. Having good influences in one’s life will greatly improve our attitude and ways of thinking on many things and it will contribute to the peace and happiness in our lives. I really do believe that we attract what we project to various extents, in the sense that if we’re kind and caring to others, we’re far more likely to attract people who are also kind and caring towards us.

This may not be always the case, and sometimes in life there are those who need positive people to help them escape their negative feelings. However, in the end we are the ones who are in control of our own feelings, thoughts and actions. We should all strive to be the person we truly are. I say this, because I believe that everyone has a light within themselves, but it’s a matter of switching it on. Surrounding your life with positive people includes yourself, as what you feed your mind is so important and living in the present means you aren’t robbed of thoughts from the past and worries about the future.

Positive people are motivating, inspiring and have values of being kind, friendly, supportive and encouraging. It’s being confident in your skin and realising that life goes on. It means not allowing certain people to get the reaction they want out of you, knowing you’re in control of your actions and learning to be patient, caring, loving and understanding. I do find people who are unkind always teach us a lesson, because they teach us to not be like that and they remind us we should treat others how we would want to be treated. They also teach us to learn to forgive and let go, rather than hold on and feel bitter about small things.

I believe that the friends we surround ourselves with are so so important, because they also show a level of reflection of our identification of who we connect with and what characteristics we are attracted to. Some of the most positive people I know are selfless, non judgmental, truly caring, very honest, good listeners, willing to help and encouraging. We should manifest what we attract and project what we believe in. The moment I feel negative, upset or angry is very often when I think of thoughts from the past or worries about the future, and that’s why there are countless books advising us to stay in the present. Striving to stay in the present is the best gift of all.

Positivity ties in with gratitude because it tells us of all the things we have which are overflowing when we recognise it. I recently read an article here that says that 90% of the things we worry about don’t ever happen. That is to say, most of the things we tend to worry about don’t happen. There is a paragraph that reads “人們總是浪費太多時間在後悔過去和擔心未來,以至於無法好好感受當下的人生,不僅無法好好愛自己,同時也錯過許多美好的時刻。” which says: people tend to waste a lot of their time by regretting their past and worrying about the future. They are not able to live in the moment, they aren’t able to truly love themselves and they miss out on many beautiful moments. 

Sometimes pain is mixed with pleasure and it becomes a habit, which makes it harder to stop. This means a negative person may complain a lot, feel a lot of anger inside, feel that their life is hard and blame other people. They project how they’re feeling onto other people, and often the things they say to others are simply a reflection of what they’re feeling inside. No one is perfect, but when we practice gratitude and letting go of parts ourselves that don’t help our self growth, we can feel true freedom. Being negative holds us in a cage and it grows bigger if we keep feeding it bad thoughts, but when we think positively it flourishes even quicker and it’s contagious and encourages other’s to do the same, because it feels good.

There are people who have a lot of money and are unhappy, have no money and are happy, have money and are happy and have no money and are not happy. Life is what we make of it in any given situation, and it’s the willingness to create the life that we want to live. That’s why our thoughts are so powerful, because they allow us to take the first step and create the path we want to walk on. When we become more positive, we attract beautiful things into our lives and we feel good about ourselves. It’s all energy that is projected into the world. Happiness is not relied on others, and can only depend on yourself. This means that you have the ability to make your own choices.

Long-term happiness is from the relationships we have with people. Truly positive people make you feel beautiful, because they see the beautiful qualities you have inside and bring the best out of you. Positivity makes us complain less, want to be a better person, feel motivated, become more resilient, judge less and be kinder. This is why people often say comparison is the thief of joy, because it is one aspect that grows and feeds negativity if we don’t use it as motivation. It eats us alive and tells us that we aren’t good enough, but you absolutely are. Every person is good at many things, but the most important step to being positive is to love yourself and believe in yourself.

Art by Lieke van der Vorst

People Will Judge No Matter What You Do In Life

Daily Thoughts

Helena-perez-garcia-illustration-forest-flowers-2.jpgNo matter how successful we are in our lives or how badly we may fall, we will always be judged. It happens no matter if we are striving for something, making a change in our lives or taking action for something. There is a strange peace in knowing that we can’t please everyone in the world. We can only do what we feel is right in our heart. There is a huge difference between someone who talks about facts and truths, compared to someone who gossips about others. Talking of others with facts or speaking of them kindly is hugely different to those who completely judge those they don’t really know.

People will judge automatically on the way someone appears, dress, moves, speak, what they study, where they work, how much money they earn, where they live, what their friends are like etc. We all do it in the sense that we all have our own opinions. Those who are less judgmental are often more loving towards those around them. It’s a terrible feeling when we feel judged or spoken about without any facts. No one enjoys the feeling of being talked about, yet many still engage in talking about others. An important message to remember is that others opinions about you, do not define who you are as a person.

If you have nothing nice or constructive to say, don’t say anything at all.  We all have thoughts, opinions and our perceptions in life. However, not all things are needed to be said out loud. Sometimes they can hurt the person or only bring negativity. Especially when words don’t encourage improvement, positive change or motivation, they can be kept inside. Those who speak unkindly about others are only reflecting who they are as a person. When I catch myself feeling frustrated, I try to maintain a neutral view and remember that everyone is different.

Judgement comes from those who want to feel that they are more superior. It may also be because they want to find a flaw to bring you down, to make themselves feel better. It can also come from disapproval of someones actions or appearance. I think everyone’s seen on the media, how they constantly bring down celebrities. If someone is too skinny they may have anorexia, and if they gain more weight, they tell us that they might be pregnant or overweight. No one ever wins, because people will always find something negative to point out. Remember that your self worth isn’t formed by others validation or approval.

When we are judged through our appearances and what can be seen, it’s like reading a cover of a book, and never reading the content. The way we feel in our lives shouldn’t be relied on how others feel about us. Never rely on others for your own happiness. Don’t be afraid to do what you want in life because you fear what others will say. When you strive for the stars, people will still whisper. Do it anyway for yourself. Everyone makes their own mistakes and goes through tough times. Nobody is perfect in this world. What is important is to stay true to who you are, and go for the things you want in your life.

Art by Helena Perez Garcia

People Come And Go In Our Lives For A Reason

Daily Thoughts

d766c90c0bfbddd713fba1e3f1ca379f.jpgThere is a reason why people come and go (or stay) in our lives. When I reflect back on the people I have met over the course of my life, I realise that no matter what the relationship was like with the person, I learned something from it. It’s very common for people to ask others, how someone is doing and what they’re up to now, as I’ve come to realise. But it’s rare that they truly care, and more often they just want to gossip about it. They will talk about things that they know the details of about two sentences of. I say this because I only have a very very small amount of people I talk to in my life, who know what I’m going through. It shows that often the people we will have a long term (or life time) relationship with, are the ones who truly care.

People come and go in our lives, but this happens in a lot of other aspects of our lives. These include jobs, material possessions, familiarity, new places and such. The lessons we learn from mistakes, experiences, people, new things and memories. When we are young, it’s natural to have different friendship groups especially because we change so much during those years. A common example in the way people come and go, is the way we interact and see everyone everyday at school. The day when everyone leaves the nest, people tend to only keep in contact with those that also put in the effort, time and care for. That is when you will learn that many friends interact with others out of convenience and other friendships last through distance and time.

The people who come may be in your life at that time to help you through a period of struggle or share joyful moments together. They may be someone who shows you their true colours, and teaches you the importance of surrounding yourself with those with similar values. Everyone will share different advice, but it’s the choice and ability to choose the one that is beneficial to yourself. The wonderful thing about meeting new people, is the way that we are all just strangers walking by. There is so much to discover and get to know from a person when we take the time. The encounters we have can often teach us something about the person or about ourselves. We discover more about how our mind works and how someone else may see the world.

The people who go may go naturally or through different reasons. Perhaps it may of developed into a toxic relationship, other times someone may be moving away and sometimes it’s simply that time to go separate ways. We won’t be best friends with every person in our lives, and every relationship will have its ups and downs. It’s like a chapter beautifully closing and other times it’s a chapter of your life that is much needed. People are living their own life, they’re moving and changing and sometimes two people cannot move the same direction together. It means that they must go away on their separate paths. An example is a beautiful friend I met last year. She was always there to show that she cared, listened and we shared lovely conversations together. But, over time we simply moved on with our own lives.

The people who stay are very often those such as our family and those who we share an emotional connection with over the years. They are people we place our trust and love with. Long term relationships grow over time, because both individuals experience the ups and downs of life’s roller coaster. Even through the tough times, they stick together and make the effort and time to make it work. Life is a journey, not a destination. Time will always keep going and we have to move with it. We’ve all experienced good and bad relationships with people, but a few things I find very important in a positive friendship is to have trust, similar values, the ability to make time, being a good listener, understanding without judgment and sharing joy for the small things.

art by Lieke van der Vorst