Be Careful With Who You Trust In Friendships

Do you remember the way words would travel as fast as a bird flying by, and one moment everyone at school or work would know about someone or something? It’s the realisation that: Most people you interact with will talk about you if they discover something about you. Sometimes it’s not in a bad way, but sometimes it’s not kind. I’m not sure when it was exactly that I stopped trusting as many people, but it comes from a place of being hurt when your trust breaks with someone you deeply trusted or felt a connection with. The amount of people that judge through surface leveled information really appals me. It really does. I cannot fathom why some people judge so harshly on others on the way someone looks, what they wear and what they do for a living.

There are only a handful of people in my life that I can trust with my heart. Unfortunately there are a lot of fake and untrustworthy people in this world. Then there are also those that truly have a kind heart but they speak words to everyone. I remember a friend I made several years ago, I drew closer to her and over time I opened up about certain parts of myself. What really hurt me most was that she ended up sharing those parts of myself with other people. As I grow older I have less and less friend over the years, because I am very careful with who I can call a close friend. True friends are quality not quantity. Having a friend that shares similar values with you is really important.

That is why there is importance in thinking before you speak. A true friend is one that will listen to you. They won’t nod their head a long with you in everything you say or tell you what you want to hear. They will tell you when they feel you’re wrong or give their best advice to you because they want the best for you. Think of it as if you were shopping with your friend, you want give her the best honest feedback. “Sometimes people who don’t socialize much aren’t actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance to drama and fake people.” – Unknown. This rings true with me, as I prefer to spend time alone or spend one on one time with someone close.

Be mindful of who you choose to trust. It’s natural when we’re young there is a certain purity and innocence in the way we might trust most people, because we believe there is good in every person. I know that is definitely how I felt, which was why I was often called gullible. I really wanted to believe that what one says is out of heart, but as you grow older you know that is sadly not always the case. I was extremely trusting, and as much as I wish today that people have good hearts (and part of my heart does still believe this), we cannot trust most people.

True friends are those that don’t need to know everything about you. They try to understand and can sit with you in silence with ease. If you have problems in your life, always tell someone you completely trust.That’s why I don’t think people need to know so much about someones personal life. Which is why I always get surprised when I hear about someone I’m not close to asking about my personal life. Anyone can smile and be friendly, but it is very rare to come by an individual that deeply cares for you. True friendship is precious. Remember to hold onto them.

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7 thoughts on “Be Careful With Who You Trust In Friendships

  1. Such a well-written post on being true friends with others. So sorry you had a friend whom you thought you could trust, but they shared your personal stories to others. Maybe they didn’t know better, maybe they thought it way okay but you would think they would know better…sometimes it is miscommunication. Sometimes friends grow apart and each of us don’t change together, or at the very least don’t feel a connection with each other anymore :(

    “Anyone can smile and be friendly, but it is very rare to come by an individual that deeply cares for you.” You said this so well. I find that this is the case with me these days. Whenever I meet someone, usually it takes a while for me to warm to them. Each of us have our own lives, and sometimes you wonder if they’d ever have time for you.

    1. Thank you Mabel. I often find many people perceive some information to be not important, as much as the person who talks about it feels it is. Hope that makes sense! It sort of relates to when you said “maybe they thought it way okay but you would think they would know better”. That’s very true, often it’s because we’re changing at different speeds or our views on life change. I find that too. It takes me a while to warm to people and I often place a certain level of distance at first, because I find many people can be extremely friendly, but they aren’t looking to be friends.

      1. “I find many people can be extremely friendly, but they aren’t looking to be friends.” Very well said. Sometimes some people are just looking for company in a moment in time, be it physical or emotional. For instance, I know some people who do not like doing things on their own, like eating at a restaurant alone or shopping alone. So when they invite me out, sometimes I wonder what do they really want – company or friendship, one or the other or both.

  2. I don’t really know many online magazines (like Introvert, Dear) but you should be writing for a magazine like that, regularly (if you want to, that is). Your blog posts are so underrated. You always give some form of advice that we can learn from, regardless of the topic of your post.

    Anyway, again – I can relate with this post. I guess that, as someone who’s shy, introverted, and whatnot, I’m in a disadvantage when trying to make friends. I’m gullible when it comes to believing what people say (sometimes I don’t even know if that is because I’m innocent, or just plain stupid), but I do find it hard to trust people with more serious and personal topics. It’s a hard thing to balance, because on the one hand, you have to throw yourself out there to know the reality; on the other hand, many people are more self-centered.

    As for me, I do believe that everyone can be trusted, as long as it’s the right friendship. The more I respect and value someone, the more I will try to be loyal to them. I mean, this applies to everyone, but you put special care to those whom you really love. I guess you can say that for others – if they don’t value you as much, they’re possibly unlikely to value your secrets.

    1. Thank you Misty. That means so much to me, and I’m glad that they can really reach out to people. In terms of being gullible, I think over time you can really start to sense more when someone is genuine, fake and question things if you disagree. I noticed that many people are open in talking about their personal life, but it’s something that I find hard to do too.

      It’s almost like Chinese Whispers, where the original words one says can get changed and turned into something else. That’s why I only tell a very small amount of people my personal problems, from past lessons learned and mistakes made. From reading your posts and comments, I feel you are a very intelligent, thoughtful and creative person :) Thank you for your comments!

      1. I only know the game as the “telephone game”, but Chinese Whispers sounds appropriate. For a while I thought it was a “Western” thing (because I live in a Westernized country), but then I realized that my parents’ adult friends are quite like that actually… which only makes me not want to share a lot with them, as my Chinese is not perfect (and hence I cannot express myself as clearly as I do in English or Spanish), and because they’ll end up ‘twisting’ my words. In this case, however, the intention was not to ‘twist’ the words; it seemed more like a cultural or social thing. To be honest, though, I have to gather more data before I can make a soundproofed assumption.

        In the case of your post and comment, that’s when it gets irritating. People doing that for either egotistical or attention-seeking reasons is just plain annoying. I do think that some people do it unaware of what the other party feels, but oftentimes it’s not. And that’s just off-putting.

        Sorry for this negative comment, and thank you for replying! It’s a very debatable topic!!

  3. Thank you for your comment. I don’t find it so negative, I think it really comes down to ones personal experiences. Although, I do agree in some ways. I’ve found that over the years, whenever I’m talked about behind by a stranger in the city, it always tends to be a Chinese person. I believe it’s just coincidence, but I always assume it’s because most of them don’t realise that some people do understand and speak Mandarin.

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