The Reason Why Many INFJs Slam The Door

64c922499a75fcaa6ed406f80008d137.jpgThere are many different reasons why every person may door slam someone out of their lives. INFJs are known to be very good listeners, have a caring nature and value friendships. As a personality type that tends to want to help people, they may face being vented upon or face toxic friendships a few times during their life. In the past, I would receive regular phone calls from a past friend that would tell me all about her life problems. During university, I had another friend who vented about the dramas in her life upon me. She used me in many ways that I won’t go into detail here. It made me feel extremely negative and I couldn’t tolerate it anymore. I tried to help and give good advice, but very often the advice was not taken.

The many people I ended cutting out of my life are the ones that made me feel negative. These are common examples that the door slam can be a healthy act. I believe the INFJs need to avoid ongoing conflict can often cause this. It can also be a result in bottling up a lot of emotions, and then feeling an explosion that causes us to block the person out of our lives. Most INFJs are incredibly empathetic and thoughtful of others, which can grow tiring to be surrounded by people who are always concerned about their own life. A door slam may also occur when our trust is broken. I remember a friend I felt the ability to share my personal stories with. It ended up that I was spoken behind others, and I felt deeply hurt that I could no longer trust her.

In many cases if an INFJ feels that they have lost trust, are gossiped by a friend, are heavily vented upon and feel their advice and help is not working, they want to escape from the situation. Personally, this is why I am even more selective in who I make friends with. I feel that trust and positive communication is a huge element in a stable long term friendship. There are many situations that do require being upfront and direct if we disagree with someone, which I think is something many of us INFJs are learning to express more of. The truth that I know is that if you are ever surrounded by a friend that talks about other people in front of you, they are more than likely talking about you with others too.

The ability to forgive is extremely important, as well as the ability to recognise if a person is toxic within your life. However, when the INFJ is faced with bad situations repeatedly, forgiving the situation causes us to result with the door slam. If you ever feel that your trust and love is violated then it’s a clear warning sign to remove yourself from the situation. I say this, because many times I let the situation go on for a year, until I door slam. This was very bad for my own emotional and mental health. We need to be free of unceasing conflict and drama in order to thrive within a healthy friendship. Surround yourself with positive people, be more direct (but kind) in your views and don’t ever let someone bring you down.

Other articles explaining the INFJ door slam:

When An INFJ Personality Type Slams The Door

The INFJ “Door Slam”

The Hard Truth About the INFJ Door Slam

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6 thoughts on “The Reason Why Many INFJs Slam The Door

  1. I really enjoyed reading this. I’m ENTP/INTP (i switch between introverted and extroverted quite a lot) but I can completely relate with being the friend all your friends dump their issues on. it’s extremely negative 😑

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it and can relate. It can definitely get tiring, but over the years I’ve slowly and gradually cut out these people. However, I find that people who are generally good at listening and showing care, will often be the ones who face emotional dumping from people.

  2. By not telling someone that they are crossing your tiny boundaries, you think that the other people have committed a mistake by doing the same thing again. (Which they have no knowledge of)

    It’s painfully stupid.

    If someone crossed your boundaries then you cross their boundaries. Tit for tat.

    By cutting them off altogether, I don’t think you to be a smart person. Cause no one will cross your boundaries if you tell them that, ‘hey this is my boundary’. And if some still do, then you need to confront them head on and get to the root cause of their mischief, 99% of the time you will be satisfied with their answer. (I do it and it clears alot of misunderstandings)
    In this case, how was that chatty girl gonna know that she was spreading negativity on you.

    Is God going to come down and tell others, hey look that infj you are talking with has a boundary okay, she is busy hence she forgot to tell you that upfront, dumb girl ‘I know right’, hence I have come all the way from the invisible heaven to tell you this. Cause they won’t and they expect you to know.

    – a dejected ENTP.

    A very well written article by the way.
    P.S you = infjs in general and not the author.

  3. This was a really good point. Everyone is so different, in general INFJ’s definitely need to learn to be more direct and not be fearful of conflict. However, I know that individually I will let someone know if they cross my line or if I’m not happy with something, but if it still repeatedly happens, I will usually lose contact. I do know some people will hide it though, which is not helpful because it doesn’t allow the other friend to improve or have a chance of changing.

    I’m glad you confront people directly, as communication makes it easier to understand the situation and see it from both sides. One point for anyone in general is that if the person doesn’t know they’re being negative, most INFJ’s tend to want to either help them become more positive or they don’t want to be surrounded by the negativity, they will go seperate ways. Everyone has their boundaries, it’s different for every individual regardless of a personality type. Thanks for sharing your comment, it really made me think of it from both sides!

  4. When An INFJ Personality Type Slams The Door

    This link is leading me to a page with a HUGE “404” on it!


  5. Okay, so do non-INFJs just pretend it’s all “Business As Usual” and simply go on being disappointed and frustrated with people who KEEEEEEEP busting their boundaries, or what?

    After a certain point, what else is there TO do that’s not just, like, embarrassing and/or masochistic?

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