The Common Misconceptions About INFJs

d0eeeeb58da3ea45f3f60e2b964429d2.jpgIf there is something I feel that many INFJ’s may be able to relate to, it is the feeling of being different and sometimes (or often) misunderstood. Most of these points are from my own personal experience, and perhaps you have experienced it too. There have been moments where I feel I wasn’t able to clearly articulate what I was trying to express as much as it narrates in my mind. Other times I feel that others may make assumptions on who I am, because I don’t show a lot of myself. Many situations in daily life, cause me to feel so deeply inside and the world around me seems to feel heightened in its movement. Have you ever asked yourself “Am I the only one who feels this way?” or question the meaning of your life and the ongoing pulsating beat in your mind, striving to think how you yourself can make the world a better place?

Our way of talking in conversations. Most of the time, I am the listener. INFJs are very good at analysing certain situations and giving good advice. Call it the caring nature within us. I know for myself, the misconception is that we speak less in conversations. It is true that we spend more time listening. However, if we are passionate about something, we can talk about it with ease. Other times, it may take more energy. It also depends on who we are talking with.

That we think we are special because we are ‘rare’. Surely, everyone is special and different. Yes indeed. Although, I do agree that it is often overwritten in the online world in a way that can indicate that we are better, because we are not easily understood. There is this mystique in the way INFJs are often portrayed because we are generally more private.The thing is most of us don’t think we are any more special than the person beside us. We just feel things more internally and sometimes more intensely.

We aren’t able to have leadership roles. I believe this is from societies praise of the extrovert in social situations. However, I believe INFJ’s make great bosses because of their fair, empathetic and organised nature. They make good listeners and want their workers to always strive for the best within themselves. INFJ’s also value good relationships very much and are intuitive in understanding others feelings.

Relying on our emotions to make decisions. It is very true to some degree that I will follow how I feel more so as I view myself as a very emotional person. It is a misconception that in making important decisions, we don’t consider the logic and facts within. We do analyse those areas, however our feeling about it is often stronger. For example, if we don’t enjoy a job, we are likely to feel the need to leave. But we will consider the financial security during that time. If we don’t enjoy being with a friend, we are likely to go our separate ways. But we will consider the pros and cons for doing so.

Assuming we have a soft shell.  I’ve been told very often that I’m shy, quiet and soft spoken. In a few of my past jobs I had gone to the bathroom several times to cry. I am very strong about the misconception of having a soft shell, because of the way I have been treated in the past and sometimes even in the present. I don’t think many people realise how much INFJ’s hold within themselves, whether it’s from pain, hurt or people. We don’t tend to talk about others or engage in gossip, and we certainly don’t want to be involved in drama. Whereas most people are very commonly open to doing so. Sensitivity, being emotional and introvert are not weak.

We are too deep to enjoy the simple things. I’m sure many can understand the feeling of being a deep thinker. However, I am also someone who is easily amused if I really like something. I enjoy talking to people who are friendly and easy to talk to and as anyone else, I enjoy doing simple things from taking a walk at the park, going to the movies or sitting at the cafe with a friend. We do love our time alone at home to do our own thing, whether that’s reading, writing, listening to music or cooking, but we still need those small bouts of social interactions.

Being very nice and warm to everyone. This is from my experience. I’d like to think I am a friendly person. There are times however, I just don’t feel up to speaking to people or putting on a smile. I previously wrote about why being nice is not always so nice. I had been motivated to write it when I was tired of how many ‘nice’ people are taken advantage of. I like to think most INFJ’s are kindhearted and warm all the time, but the reality is someday’s (for myself) I just want to do my own thing and keep to myself.

INFJ’s are hard to make friends with. I think this comes down to how we are very selective. We want to be sure that we are friends with someone who we can trust. If someone hurts us, it’s more likely that we will cut them out of our lives straight away. In relationships, we generally take them more seriously and look for long term. In fact, most INFJ’s are super easy to get a long with and be friends with. But, in terms of becoming close friends, it often takes time to flourish and grow as we get to know someone more and more – we open up gradually.

That our personality type defines our personality. Everyone is different, even though we are sure to have many similarities possibly in values, the world and feelings. Some descriptions may apply to others and some may not. We may have all sorts of careers, and perhaps there could be INFJ’s out there who do enjoy their call service job (please let me know if you do!)

We always have our heads in the clouds. I do enjoy the feeling of being in another world and I am more connected with the arts if anything. I wouldn’t mind if someone called me weird or quirky. However, I do believe that many INFJ’s are dreamers and believers. But we are grounded at the same time. We want to make the world a better place.

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  1. Wow, can so relate to this post and mostly those first two paragraphs about feeling different and misunderstood. Also with that desire to communicate clearly the depth of thought and feeling we have, but feeling like we can’t. Oh and the questioning – yep, I relate a lot to the INFJ even though I’m an ISTJ mostly.

    1. Thanks for sharing Juni. I’m sure many introverts can relate to some similar points and I think many of us do have so much to say, but much of it is often left in our mind.

  2. Awesome post! So many really good points! As an INFJ I struggle with relating to people and my relationships on a regular basis, I often feel that I am over here… and everyone else over there…

    ” Relying on our emotions to make decisions. ” is something I struggle with big time! Often because my “feelings” can sometimes be incorrect… It is nice to know that there are other people out there that may get it. Even if they are rare to come across. <3

    1. Thank you Steph :) What I find is a pro though, is that when we do find someone we can relate too, it can really be uplifting. Mm that’s true isn’t it. Sometimes we have to go with our gut instinct (feeling) and other times we have to have clarity of a situation regardless of emotions.

      1. So true! It’s definitely very empowering once you find out what your personality type is in the first place, from there you can learn a lot about yourself and other people that way. :)

  3. INFJ are not kind and caring all the time. I know. In fact it is the I and J that csn spiral us into impatience which then means we get shirt tempered with others. That’s when it is time to realise the I(ntrovert) needs a time out; usually followed by an apology. INTJ may be rare but we can easily behave as assholes like everyone else. The key is to understand your triggers that lead to negative emotions and negative actions based on strong impulse, working out a way to control them rather than “hey ho. I am INTJ. Can’t be helped.”
    It can.

    1. I loved reading this – I can relate to what you’ve written, as I am generally quite a ‘keep my opinions of others to myself’ kind of person. However, because of that, if someone bothers me too much, it will gradually show on my face and may end up offending the person. Perhaps my facial expressions are too honest!

  4. I too am an INFJ – 78% introvert score. I often feel “different” and wonder where my “people” are. :-) I often worry about my local environment and can be lost for hours in my own head. I find writing to be the most effective way to communicate my thoughts.

    1. Writing is a wonderful way to communicate thoughts – thank you for sharing that. It’s great to know that there are many people who feel this way, and that we are not ever alone in it.

  5. I just took the personality quiz today and got INFJ also, 99% introvert hahah. I agree, I am usually the listener especially depending on the topic and people in the conversation but I can go on forever about something I’m really interested in!

    1. Welcome to the INFJ club :) I find there are several factors when it comes to interacting with people. As you said depending on the topic and people – except when it’s something we’re interested in!

  6. I am an INFJ too, and can relate to all the things you’ve mentioned in this post. I’ve got a bit annoyed, to be honest, with the portrayal of us as ‘rare – special little flowers’ :) I’ve also noticed that a high proportion of bloggers are INFJs – I think this has to do with the opportunity to express ourselves in writing and communicate with others, while still being able to keep our own personal space well within our control. Interesting post, thanks for sharing. :)

    1. Before I reply your comment – I have to tell you that your black cat Bo is so precious and beautiful. I have really begun to notice that too this year, especially from reading more blog posts in my spare time.Very true in that we have the control of what we share and what we keep private. It seems many of us INFJ find it a wonderful way to express our thoughts, creativity and memories through writing!

  7. Hello, I’m an infj and struggle so much getting close to people, especially since I dislike short term relationships and barely even trust anyone. I agree with this post on so many levels, so many people make assumptions of who I am because I don’t show much and it drives me crazy..

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I can completely relate to everything you mentioned. I find the reason why many INFJs may find it harder to make close friendships, is because we want to be able to trust the person completely. We’re also more selective in who we make friends with, because we want to be able to have a long term relationship with someone we naturally click with.

      In terms of people making assumptions – I really do understand. I feel that a lot of us tend to peel back the layers of our personality only when we feel we can trust the person. This can cause people to make up their own judgments on who one may be as a person, and many times their judgments are not accurate. Please know that you are alone, and I hope you will meet a wonderful long term friend! xx

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