Lying in bed with the pillow against my chin, I can’t help having a rush of night time thoughts. There are repetitive thoughts and there are ones that come and go. Autumn is here and my insides are happy at the thought of the weather cooling down. Scarves, coats, hot drinks and warm socks make me happy. For that reason, Winter is my favourite season. Umbrellas and all. It comes and go when I ponder about how everyday seems to pass. Passing like the train at the station or the seasons in the year. People walk in and out of our lives. We change over time. And yet, time is a funny friend that we breathe every second of. The thing with feeling that you are still young, is that you still come to terms with the concept of time moving. Movement is the only way to go about with change.
Staring out the window and staring at the sky reminds me to pause. Take every step one by one. Most pain heals within time and most memories fade, with the happiest ones that stay in our heart forever. I’m hesitant to say things such as “I wish time would go by faster” when I think about how short life is. Every period of our lives are different. If you asked me where I would be 5 years ago today, I don’t think I could of predicted where I am now. Some days I feel my anxiety hit me hard, and others I feel fine and calm. A part of me wishes it would go away and I could cuddle a purring cat. Then other times I think of New Zealand and how the air is so fresh and clean.
We all have good and bad days, up and down periods and times of confusion and clear direction. But, the adventure of life is the unpredictability. If we were to know every step of what were to happen in a year’s time, then it wouldn’t be as exciting to stumble in the ambiguity. There are time’s when I pray to God, whether I’m walking on the street, lying on the bed or going about my day, I pray to live everyday to the fullest. There is something about those words, that I’m really trying to fulfill from within. It’s easy for one bad thing to happen and everything crumbles. Or the feeling of fear succumbs your body and you feel a lump in your throat fighting back the tears. As a highly sensitive person who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks, it’s difficult for me to vocally express any of the hundreds of words that I write.
If I could give my self any advice, it would be to live life to the fullest. It’s one of the hardest advice to fully grasp, because even till this day I struggle with it. Making the most of all the time we have. Sometimes time slips away and other times it’s right there in front of us, clear as day light. The things that cut me deep, often haunt me. Although, I feel the past has been let go, there are reason-less times where I feel intense anxiety. One that causes me to find it hard to make friends, go outdoors or fully express and show my true self. As every minute goes by, all I hope to achieve in my life is to never give up each minute. Keep living and keep going. If you have ever triggered feelings of not being present, don’t give up. We’re all different. But, truthfully millions of us are silently within our own minds feeling similar feelings.
Believe that each day is one of new possibilities. Keep moving. Most of all. Don’t Give Up.